There is no correct way to be feeling as we are faced with the arguably inevitable second wave of Covid in New Zealand.
There’s been some new emotions on my own radar in the last 72 hours. I’ve coined some of these:
- Shangryired – this one is a mix of shame, anger, hunger, and tired. Shame because we are in an inarguably comfortable position and I actually relish lockdown with my bubble despite missing out on the freedom and adventures of level one. Angry because Cov-Idiots are out there protesting the use of masks and the neccessity of lockdown rather than just hunkering down and being graceful, isolated, patient and kind. Hungry because I do not drink much at all these days (win!), nor sneak that many ciggies (ultra-win!) so I eat. Oh boy do I eat. And my tastebuds light up like never before since giving up smoking almost entirely. Tired… well, the day starts and ends in pjs so it’s a fairly reasonable state since I am dressed for rest.
- Schornyanxious – a mix of scared, little bit horny, and anxious. This is not Damon’s least favourite mix as we eat toast and snuggle and sometimes even snog while watching Star Trek (Roddenberry franchise has been an emotional and cognitive anesthetic to life’s ills and spills my whole life)
- Netflixatiqued – sick of scrolling through netflix and feeling exasperated and fatigued at the idea of getting emotionally invested in a new show so I tend to just lean on my old friends Colombo, Star Trek, Golden Girls, and of course everyone’s favourite series the 1pm briefing. I need to take a moment to say I am absolutely ecstatic about the plot twist of having a competent and charismatic new leading role with the arrival of Chris Hipkins. I like this new series a lot more than I did with smuggy mcsmuggerton hypocrite character guy who was written off that show. Win.
There’s other emotions too of course. I haven’t taken the time to name them but they are there.
I’m side stepping social media for the rest of the day after posting this as we plan how we will manage the next few weeks if the lockdown extends as we are already certain it will. We’ve mapped a fortnight that will see our kids moving freely between their father’s house and Matakana where we are heading as it is in the Auckland region and now has Internet, so Damon and the children will be able to work and attend school and nobody has to drive to the end of the road to get cellphone reception anymore. We will click and collect gardening supplies as the window for us planting our hundreds of seedlings and baby trees is fast closing as spring approaches.
Bopping around in my bubble has been confronting and comforting. I have signed out of society in a big way, and the vast and varied varieties I once sought some sense of validation through are just NOT as important as they once were.
Some people have been forced to change trajectory, other’s have had the luxury of deciding to slow down and retire early or work fewer hours and spend more time in their gardens and kitchens in pursuit of a the previousy unforeseen satisfaction that comes from increased self-sufficiency. Some have even found purpose when once they were searching for meaning.
I know that there are some of you reading this who find lockdowns and changes painful, unnerving, uncertain and perhaps lonely or isolating. There’s nothing useful for me to offer, no twee advice or comforting calls to actions. The fact is, this is a time of great change and incredible uncertainty and nobody knows how things are going to land. Drop me a line if you need to talk. You run the risk of me being obnoxious or saying the wrong thing, because I can be a fucking nightmare sometimes, especially when my heart hurts and I want to help and don’t know how.
My bubble bop is a simple dance in the direction of simplicity and self-sufficiency. I am grateful to be a Covid couple as I am rather certain my relationship would not have survived the first year if we hadn’t been forced together for months on end. We are a team now, and I know that plenty of people are not in such idyllic social or romantic situations.
I implore you to take very good care of yourself through this our second wave, and look ahead to a future that might very well be a lot simpler and very different to the plans you had before 2020 kicked all of our asses.
Good luck with your bubble bop. Try to find things that make you feel safe and joyous, and it’s okay to feel afraid and angry too, just don’t let the bad stuff win.
Thanks for reading.