“You guys are really busy.” or “I don’t know how you fit it all in!” I hear this or some permutation of this every day.
You know what. I ALSO do not know how we fit it all in, and I can quite confidently say I am entirely fucking overwhelmed and my brain actually broke while I was in the shower this morning.
Here’s how it played out:
For 10 blissful minutes, it was just me, my Lush products, and jets of hot water.
There were no meetings, no computer, no phone, no kids… and for once in a blue moon, not even a Phteven! Generally my husband and I shower together , owing predominantly to our unwavering dedication to conservation.
Then again, maybe not. Who the hell are you to judge?!? Jokes.
Anyway. This morning, it was just me. A whole shower with nothing but Dee!
That short shower was a chance to think, and here’s just a sampling of what danced through my overly full brain:
Something needs to be done about the old trees, the new trees, oh and what about the bees. Then there’s all that stuff with employees. I know what I need to do, but I am so tired. So incredibly tired.
Kids, kids, kids… Okay. School is starting. They’ve got their stationary, they know who their teachers will be. 4 kids, 7 activities, and 4 adults to share the ferrying. This can work. We can do this. Takes a village to raise a child. We have several of each in play at any given time. We’re okay. We’ll be okay. The kids are going to have a great childhood (mental Trump impersonation) It is going to be GREAT.
And then, it happens. The fear of fascism crashes in, and I think about the Islamic travel bans, the right to choose being removed, and the thought of already vulnerable women being made to feel like genuine criminals if they are in a situation where termination is the only option they can reasonably abide. How can we have been thrust back in human, environmental, social and scientific advances so rapidly by a reality television spectacle? America may have fucked up a few things, but no one deserves what they are going through right now. When is the world going to respond? When is China gong to respond… What’s going to happen.
I’m genuinely frightened for the future, and I have no idea what I can do about it. Can I do something about it? I wish someone would upload a manual… I’d read the shit out of that.
Special topic. What shall I do my paper on? I wish I could do it on Norway or Iceland. They are fascinating on so many levels. Can’t believe we will be in Norway in less than a week. And we even get to speak! What an honour… You know, I think I’ll research new markets. New things are important. Important and risky. Risky business.
It is quite amazing how many people seem to be interested in our business. The business we do and our personal situation. I wonder how everyone in Matakana got the impression we were selling. Quite strange hearing back from our neighbours that they’d heard the same. People sure do like to talk. Even if they are talking shit. I’ll never give up the treehouse. It is our haven and we could quite comfortably retire there. Funny how rumours start. If that’s a rumour we have heard, I can only IMAGINE what kind of shit and smack talk gets perpetuated about my crazy ass. Sigh.
Do I care?
Unfortunately yes, I absolutely do.
Shower off. Towel down. Back into the startup trenches…
There are a dozen more things sitting on the tip of my brain day in and day out. I get to feel fairly impressively fucking useless as friends fight cancer or shovel through incredible mountains of shit that they landed in through no fault of their own. It is impossible to help everyone, and I mean to be a better friend and just even listen or engage, but life happens and time runs out to do the things I want/need to do every day.
Most of the time I can cope. Today, ten minutes to myself broke me and I am going to bed early in the hope of rebooting and being able to wake up tomorrow and be able to suck it up and just keep climbing the fucking mountain Phteven and I started out at the base of in March 2015.
Thanks for reading.