“You guys are really busy.” or “I don’t know how you fit it all in!” I hear this or some permutation of this every day.

You know what. I ALSO do not know how we fit it all in, and I can quite confidently say I am entirely fucking overwhelmed and my brain actually broke while I was in the shower this morning.

Here’s how it played out:

 

For 10 blissful minutes, it was just me, my Lush products, and jets of hot water.

 

There were no meetings, no computer, no phone, no kids… and for once in a blue moon, not even a Phteven! Generally my husband and I shower together , owing predominantly to our unwavering dedication to conservation.

Then again, maybe not. Who the hell are you to judge?!?   Jokes.

Anyway. This morning, it was just me. A whole shower with nothing but Dee!

 

That short shower was a chance to think, and here’s just a sampling of what danced through my overly full brain:

 

Something needs to be done about the old trees, the new trees, oh and what about the bees. Then there’s all that stuff with employees. I know what I need to do, but I am so tired. So incredibly tired.

 

Kids, kids, kids… Okay. School is starting. They’ve got their stationary, they know who their teachers will be. 4 kids, 7 activities, and 4 adults to share the ferrying. This can work. We can do this. Takes a village to raise a child. We have several of each in play at any given time. We’re okay. We’ll be okay. The kids are going to have a great childhood (mental Trump impersonation) It is going to be GREAT.

And then, it happens. The fear of fascism crashes in, and I think about the Islamic travel bans, the right to choose being removed, and the thought of already vulnerable women being made to feel like genuine criminals if they are in a situation where termination is the only option they can reasonably abide. How can we have been thrust back in human, environmental, social and scientific advances so rapidly by a reality television spectacle? America may have fucked up a few things, but no one deserves what they are going through right now. When is the world going to respond? When is China gong to respond… What’s going to happen.

 

I’m genuinely frightened for the future, and I have no idea what I can do about it. Can I do something about it? I wish someone would upload a manual… I’d read the shit out of that.

 

Special topic. What shall I do my paper on? I wish I could do it on Norway or Iceland. They are fascinating on so many levels. Can’t believe we will be in Norway in less than a week. And we even get to speak! What an honour… You know, I think I’ll research new markets. New things are important. Important and risky. Risky business.

 

It is quite amazing how many people seem to be interested in our business. The business we do and our personal situation. I wonder how everyone in Matakana got the impression we were selling. Quite strange hearing back from our neighbours that they’d heard the same. People sure do like to talk. Even if they are talking shit. I’ll never give up the treehouse. It is our haven and we could quite comfortably retire there. Funny how rumours start. If that’s a rumour we have heard, I can only IMAGINE what kind of shit and smack talk gets perpetuated about my crazy ass. Sigh.

 

Do I care?

 

Unfortunately yes, I absolutely do.

 

Shower off. Towel down. Back into the startup trenches…

There are a dozen more things sitting on the tip of my brain day in and day out. I get to feel fairly impressively fucking useless as friends fight cancer or shovel through incredible mountains of shit that they landed in through no fault of their own. It is impossible to help everyone, and I mean to be a better friend and just even listen or engage, but life happens and time runs out to do the things I want/need to do every day.

 

Most of the time I can cope. Today, ten minutes to myself broke me and I am going to bed early in the hope of rebooting and being able to wake up tomorrow and be able to suck it up and just keep climbing the fucking mountain Phteven and I started out at the base of in March 2015.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

The first thing that feels like I need to get off my chest before going into a full-blown girl power tirade, is this:

2016 was pretty shitty for a lot of people. It was one of the busiest, saddest, happiest, most difficult, and best years I’ve had in my 38 turns around the sun.

I managed to cram about a decade worth of shit into the last 12 months, but also did some epically dumb stuff and dropped a lot of the balls I’m always juggling.

The proverbial mom ball is as huge and heavy as a large medicine ball, and that’s the one I have dropped most impressively in 2016. Having a vagina means that no matter how equal my husband and I are, and no matter how important our combined dreams and career are to us; “The children need their mother!” and the world needs Steve’s big brain and track record for changing the planet because he gets tired of waiting around for someone else to do things.

This is not a complaint.  It is an observation.

So, where was I…

Yes, it was a busy, BUSY year!

Between Kiwi road trips, international travel, kid wrangling, PRing, wifing, studying, socializing, charging into the future, and HEAPS of sleeping (or just being in my big comfy bed, exactly the way I am as I write this) I got distracted from my writing, which is one of my most favourite things to do in the whole world. More writing is the only measurable New Year’s resolution I will be making.

I will, however, be cramming as much, if not quite a bit more, into 2017. Top of this list, is I will be kicking my appreciation, adoration, and enthusiasm for women into the highest of high mother fucking gears.

A friend we spent NYE with in Paihia made me promise that this year I read the Constance Hall book, so I shall put it in the list of stuff I am gonna demolish in 2017.

There are so many amazing women on this planet. I am lucky enough to know a few hundred of these women, and a few dozen of them very well indeed. My tribe is lit. My women are amazing. My life would suck without the support, honesty, laughter, Love and tenderness I receive from the goddesses in my world.

Throughout history, badass bitches have led the charge and changed the world in various schools, disciplines and arena. My forefeminists had to fight hard for the rights of their daughters, sisters, mothers, and friends, and themselves.

Feisty females such as Émilie du Châtelet and Ada Lovelace were documenting a vast array of scientific and philosophical discovery and observation hundreds of years ago, and busting misogyny with their intellect and passion.

Suffragettes fought and sometimes died working to earn women the right to vote. They were railing (quite rightly) against the trappings of misogyny in a world where men held all the cards (and the land, and the positions of power, and often the education, and the money… I could go on) so that I could be free enough to share my thoughts and opinions as I do so eagerly.

There’s still so much bullshit to shovel through before gender and/or sexual orientation are neither here nor there. People ought to be able to be whatever brings them bliss. They ought to be able to not be judged on the kind of junk that they are packing, but rather by the content of their character, their deeds, their abilities, their resilience, and perhaps more importantly; their kindness, tolerance and sense of humour.

It seems to me that settling for equality or pay parity seems unimaginative, unambitious, and lacking in vision. Women the world over ought to have the freedom, knowledge, and opportunities to spend their lives feeding knowledge and passion and contributing to the world in any manner they see fit.

Men ought to be able to do the same.

Some of the biggest obstacles to that level of awesome include jealousy, fear, ignorance, and insecurity. Women can be plain mean at times. Both victims and perpetrators of cruelty have reasons seeded deeply in the tapestry of their lives for being as they are. I think we’ve all been guilty of being either bullied or the bully. We are all vulnerable to making poor decisions and treating other people (like women who threaten us, or confound us) like shit.

I think the world would be markedly better if we could just fucking stop doing that.

People are fighting battles we know nothing about. In 2017, try to build others up with sincerity, praise and gratitude. You’ll find that it reflects fairly intensely back at you when you do.

I realize a lot of the people reading this already know all of this stuff. I just wanted to get it down in writing that this is going to be a year for building up and celebrating the brilliant and beautiful souls I am connected to in personal, professional, perhaps even spiritual ways.

You get out there and be all the you that you can be ladies. We’ve all spent enough time feeling scared, anxious, tired, denigrated, gaslighted, misunderstood, or any other range of shitty feelings from any number of sources, even in our own homes and social circles.

A kind word from the heart of someone you respect can change the trajectory of not only a day, but in some instances, and entire life.

Let’s all be the change from bitching to building.

Happy New Year.

XXOO