While I am not entirely certain how it came about, it has turned out that I have the world’s best former and future husbands. Currently sandwiched comfortably between my first and second marriage, I have not yet officially filed the divorce papers with Phteven and the wedding between myself and my beloved aloof goof has been rescheduled several times thanks to covid. So we’ve settled on an island elopement in July with all of our 7 children (plus a Phteve and his partner Michelle) in tow.
Through this journey, I’ve met dozens of people going through less than blissful emancipations from marriages and relationships that have come to an end. Seeing this time and again, I was compelled to start a group/community/tribe which has not yet found footing on solid ground or a clear direction, but has a working title of “Heartache and Cheesecake”. Why? Because there is always a plethora of pain and comfort food in the most difficult stages of any significant uncoupling or change.
So far, this entity serves as a sporadic but safe place for women navigating change to come together and be supported by other warrior women with a variety of skills and experiences to share. This has all happened with the support and blessing of both husband units, and one or the other of them has suggested friends or acquaintances they have met or know who may benefit from access to the group. Pretty rare and wonderful having a couple of cool af allies tying up the past present and future in a safe and fulfilling package for myself and some lovely women we know. I can’t imagine how I’d feel or if I’d be able to cope without the love, support and daily contact with both of these integral forces supporting me and telling me to stfu when I spiral on a less than useful trajectory.
Why was I compelled to write this blog today I wonder? Well… I am sat next to Damon flying down to the deep South for a week of work, research, forest bathing, and serious snuggling. We cherish our time together sans children, and find the safest way to protect our space and time together is to actually get the fuck out of town so the kids can’t find us. We adore our many MANY babies but they are safe in the care of our former partners for a fortnight about and when we are in the same city they always do seem to find ways to arrive back to our new family home in Pt. Chevalier.
A phone call to my ex, overheard by my fabulous (and very patient) fiancé ensued while we quaffed our coffees in the Koru lounge. “Remember that the neighbours left us a bunch of feijoa that San won’t be able to eat so help yourself, and grab the mangos and some snacks for the kids lunches from the fridge too.” I chirped at my former husband and forever best friend. We also discussed board papers, business and I filled him in on the tent project being slightly over-budget but well in hand. He took the time to admit he’s proud of the work we have done on the farm. His lack of grace and gratitude when we were married was the final blow that ended our rather epic romance, so you gotta find it a bit funny that he’s so at ease showing appreciation from a safe distance now. I suspect I may have his new partner to thank for that to some extent. I wasn’t always a huge fan of hers, but she really has been very good for him, too good perhaps!
So where was I? What was I getting at?
Not sure actually, so I guess that’s it. Maybe I’m just expressing a quiet moment of gratitude that at least in my immediate family circle, I’ve found a place where there is far more cheesecake, than heartache.
That’s my blog.
Have a great day.
Thanks for reading.