I have become very dear friends with a growing number of goddesses who are quite frankly, and very reasonably, sick of everyone’s shit.  

In many cases it is women (like my own damn self) who spent their 20’s and 30’s “hustling” and burning that candle at both ends. Women out there doing whatever they had to do to juggle the utterly unobtainable and completely fabricated fairytale of “having it all”. What even is “IT” anyway? We were spoon fed this nonsense, and it is clearly is a myth. Nobody can have it all. Where would you put it? Let’s give the concept of all the heave ho and replace it with enough. Enough is achievable, and enough starts with falling in Love with our own magical damned selves.  Yet there we were, people pleasing, keeping the peace, being all things to everyone all the time.  Oof.  It was a lot.  And so many of us got stuck in that lane.

We are tired.  Most of us really prefer our own company these days, and if we are going to venture outside of the safety of our nests it better be for the sake of something truly magical.

We come in all shapes, sizes and all have our own unique path that led us to enjoying our own company so deeply and decidedly over most other options.  Some played a straight bat and did absolutely everything they thought they ought to be doing for most of their lives.  Others lived with brains and bodies drenched in cortisol as they were stuck in survival mode.  Many women cram their mental, physical, and/or neurological transmission into that survival mode gear thinking it will be temporary.  A deeply life altering death, a natural or financial disaster stripping them of their home or foundations, escaping an insidiously abusive and toxic relationship and needing to start over, unforeseen and major shifts in the circumstances stripping their security, a massive health issue or addiction… whatever the thing that shakes them, these women stay so strong for too fucking long.  When they come out the other side, they are often tired and perhaps a bit jaded.  A reasonable outcome after pushing through the quagmires and battlefields of their lives.  So.  You better respect that and bring the magic if you pull them away from their solitude and safety.  I mean this.  Bring the magic or let them stay home with the cat, a cuppa, and their cosy murder mysteries.

I guess people almost always have breakthrough or rock bottom moment before they are able to mic drop and start their healing journey and find comfort and luxuriate in at least some level solitude.    Many of us used to seek distraction and validation, something somewhere shifts for so many of us though.  

I suppose sometime people also hit the absolute top of their game and acquire all the points you’d think anyone would need to clock the scoreboard of life, but the view from the summit just causes something in some divine goddesses core to go “WTF! I don’t gotta be a part of this dumpster fire any longer!” and off they fuck to live happily ever after in relative solitude as they delight in obscurity and seek meaningful and magical moments and give not a single fuck what anyone might think about them as they forge that path in whatever way they decide works for them.

Whatever the hustle, or struggle, or survival story that forges these fed-up women I currently know (and admire, and seldom see IRL but deeply Love) was, we all have one thing in common:  We do not want to leave the safety and comfort of our hearth and home unless there’s something truly glimmering and magnificent that will fill up our cup or cauldron to persuade us out that door.  I have a handful of friends who can lure me out of my cave, and travel and the farm will almost always get me up and ‘attem, and everyone has different joyful distractions that will kick them into “get up and get some shit done” gear.  I think we just aren’t wasting that energy on ungrateful people or unreasonable expectations anymore.  I like this about us.

Relentless pursuit of trying to “have it all” doesn’t really seem to turn out well.  So I would suggest we can all put that square in the fuck it bucket.

Think about those shiny celebrities and influencers we seem to admire don’t have the luxury and freedom of anonymity.  Women who own/run their own businesses often do not have the option to take regular scheduled holidays or a break when they need to if they want to pay their bills or keep their brand built to a functioning level.  Women juggling family and a career are always fucking exhausted, yes, always.  Single parents frequently do not have the time, space or emotional bandwidth to date.  But each of these situations, and any number of other scenarios has its own unique silver lining that can only be seen but the person experiencing the cloud.  

Deciding to feel happy with oneself, provided the fundamental needs of food shelter and safety are met, is a pretty great level to hit, and it feels like we all had to go through a great deal of learning, winning, losing, hope and disappointment to arrive at the point where we kinda like our own company for real.  Exhaustion and being massively misunderstood most of our lives has made many a magnificent woman retreat to the safety of her own little bubble, to read, craft, create or just savor her own sweet company and spend the day however she’d fucking like to.  

What even is “IT” anyway?  That Barbie Movie monologue went a long way to shedding light on the fact that as a woman (in the Western World, I’ll qualify, as that’s my sphere of reference) you are pretty much damned if you do, damned if you don’t. So it is okay to don’t sometimes I suggest.

So many of us are pretty angry and tired at this point.

What I have noticed over the past five fabulous years is this:  

My comfort with solitude and serenity is consistently punctuated by the clarity of generally and genuinely not giving a single last flying fuckeroo about what other people do, or what they say about me, or so many other things that used to vex me.  I don’t’ just not mind if people don’t like me, I delight in being judged, because wtf who has time for that shit?  Go ahead and waste your brain power and energy having a problem with how I live my life, that’s cool.  I am happy as a pig in mud most of the time, and almost certainly never give a second thought about what other people are doing. My fucks kick back in when we are working on something cool together, or I need to go into protect my friends and family from dumbassery mode.  I give many fucks about protecting and championing my important people and their passions. And if anyone threatens us or pulls out bullshit bully tactics that are dangerous or destructive, my mean side will still show up. When shit gets real I give all the fucks.  Because we are making magic, not being judgemental boring or vapid.  We are crones with clearly defined boundaries and we make magical things happen in this weary world.

So while most of us likely won’t opt for full-fledged shut-in status in the immediate or forseeable future. I suspect, and have observed, more and more of us are leaning comfortably into the joy of our own company.  There comes a point in many women’s lives, when the kids are getting independent and our careers have come to a point we can seriously start thinking about cashing in chips and downsizing our homes to seek an new trajectory or perhaps travel and adventure (with or without a partner, depending on choice and circumstance) and it is such a privilege to be watching us all find ourselves and grow into magical beings… who often just want to be left alone.  And that’s okay.

Thanks for Reading.