Today I am happy.
Sad to be away from my Phteven after we’ve rekindled smouldering embers. Happy to be on my way to the country where I lived for the best three short years of my childhood, Scotland. Happy to be given an opportunity to share my enthusiasm for a cleaner, kinder and more collaborative future for us all.
I realized that to be content and cheerful as I am now, there’s a whole heap of pain and learning to pave the road to Chillville, and I only ever stop here for a week or two before I’m bound to pull back into the outskirts of Crazytown or Anxiety Alley. But the infrastructure between all of the places and states I visit is getting strong. My support crew and routes are solid and reliable, and help is never far away when I get lost, as I am apt to do.
I realised I was happy as I was walking down toward security screening as I’ve done dozens, perhaps hundreds of times, and I overheard and caught glimpses of farewells between friends, lovers, and family members. Tears and awkward Kiwi blokes wondering if they absolutely had to hug their brother in law goodbye, opting for a solid handshake and should grab instead. Kids cuddling grandparents hard around the neck and tearful waves and sniffles and sighs. How lucky we all are to have people we care for enough that we are blessed with the pain of missing them.
So here I am sat at my computer, too many inquiries and questions to answer before I fly to Qatar in an hour. So I’ve opted to blog instead of doing work I am desperately overdue delivering.
Why? Because I fucking like to write. I really do. I wasted my words on feeble and infirm friendships and feeling like I had lost my voice in the abyss a little bit lately. New shiny objects and self-loathing can both sometimes derail me. The foundation of sharing, speaking, feeling, and owning my batshit beautiful can be shaken but the tremors are quiet today and I am grateful for the calm I am feeling right now.
I’m about to get on a plane and journey to Scotland to speak at a smarter cities forum. I will say what I always say: Collaborate, collaborate, collaborate. I will tell the story of our plucky little nation’s clean energy and phenomenal EV uptake. I will gesticulate, I will articulate, and I will demonstrate the power that enthusiasm, community and bravery contain.
I started my day late for filming and with a four year old wrapped arms and legs around me with a snotty nose sniffling in my ear and whispers of: “Oh, I just Love you so much mummy. I weewy just sooooo Love you.
After glancing at my phone and realizing it was mere minutes until my 8:00am filming session was about to commence, I attempted, unsuccessfully to steer the film crew to our house instead of the office. Message was received to late, so the dance of diving into the shower and out the door and applying my face en route commenced as it has done thousands of times before.
12 minutes late, with one of my oldest and dearest friends looking like an ethereal goddess as she always has and always does, I hit my marks and got my soundbites.
Then it was back in the car for a ten minute commute to see my beautiful and brilliant special needs boy. A sore ear and high temperature did not dampen his charm or cheer. We baked a cake and talked about his exciting trip to Raro this week.
Then back to the Hobbit homestead to finish packing, grab my passport and then head out to the airport where my foghorn friend and business development manager James Cozens was chilling out waiting to bring my car back to the office.
My. Life. Is. Hectic.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The more we attempt the more we will fail. It is statistics and reality that we are bound by, and the more you try the more you will both succeed and fail. None of us are actually superheroes, none of us are above melting down and meaningfully wanting to give up.
I am sat in the plane that will take me to Doha and then on to Scotland. I am thinking about my soulmate and my children and my friends. And I am happy.
I hope wherever you are and whatever you are doing you are as well.