Patience


2019 has been a stellar year.  It feels like there’s been dividends from dues paid, and a solid home, where I feel safe, because some sturdy foundations have been laid.  The universe has spoken, perhaps screamed at me, that I must slow the pace and patience pays in incredible ways.  For the first time in a couple of years, I’m content and aware that magical and meaningful things are so much more gratifying when there is some effort, planning, and yes, patience, involved.

I’ve been dancing on moonbeams for a few weeks now. Full of joy and hope.   Trying to be patient, and TRUST me I gotta try pretty hard, as this is not a virtue that I was freely blessed with.

Thousands of people pontificate on the things that are proven to stabilize anxiety and mental health, and the reason we hear/read so much about it all, is because it actually works.  So, the hot mess mama that is Dee, is choosing , mindfulness, meditation, deviation from drama, yoga, laughter, nature, and pausing a lot more.  I had a massive social streamline and am seriously surrounding myself with people who not only lift me up, but have the courage to make me aware, as well as accountable for faults, foibles, and even fantastic fuck ups.  They all piss me off from time to time, that’s how Love and friendship works.  But I am determined to have better, and be a better friend.  That means more focus, focus, focus, and plan and follow through. Many people have been incredibly patient with me, and it is incomprehensibly nice to be actively be flexing patience and the ability to prioritize.  

Feeling back in the game as I so obviously do (long may it continue), I have also mustered up the courage and strength to get back to work.  Also, thrown myself back into socializing in New Zealand again.  A lot.  After hiding in my room or running away overseas.  For the most part, being social has filled up my cup and kept me smiling.  I went to my first EV event in months, and it was challenging but clearly convinced me that is time I went full throttle back into the scene.  There’s so much work still to be done, and I Love nothing more than our community and the quirky characters who keep me on my toes and give me plenty to do and hope for.  I’ve bowed out of the distraction of Tinder (yeah, that was me you saw on there recently) it’s a rite of passage and I MUST write under a pseudonym soon to share the seriously strange, and sometimes beautiful stories.  But it’s time to bid a fond farewell to superficial distractions, as I was dating to manage my self-hating.  Basically reaching out for attention and validation.  I’ve made some incredible connections, and those friendships will continue, but I know what I want now, and patience has and will be a huge part of finding out if the universe will meet me halfway and deliver it.  I’m quietly confident it will work out.  It took 40 years to figure out what I truly want romantically, and it’s worth waiting for.  So my travel, and work, friends and family will be the focus while fate figures out what it has in store, I’m willing to wait for it.  I really do not want to end up like Aaron Burr though sir (shameless Hamilton reference).

So here’s my list of shit that really seemed to work, you can take what serves you and disregard the rest:

🙂

Occam’s Razor – Take a breath.  Everyone is NOT out to get you.  Everything is NOT your fault.  You will likely find that if you stop and remind yourself that the simplest explanation is the most likely, and simple explanations do very seldom involve conveluded passive aggression or planning from the people involved.  When you stop overthinking shit, you’ll find you’re much freer to be patient and seek solutions with the time you once wasted worrying.  I haven’t mastered this yet, but I am getting HEAPS better all the time.

Sleep – get enough decent sleep.  Feeling rested and being kind to your body and mind may mean you have to step out of your life for a bit to get the rest you need.  So do that, find a way.  Arrange someone for the kids, and get somewhere peaceful so you can catch up on clean and nurturing rest.  Your brain (and likely your friends and family) will thank you for making the effort.

Breathe – Get yourself onto YouTube and get a breathing tutorial and apply that bad ass motherfucking strategy whenever you feel you’re on the verge of losing your shit.  Breathing also means not talking, texting or further fucking up already freaky situations.

Nature – Get outside.  Put your devices down, if you have kids or pets, get those perfect little parasites involved.  The sight, sound, smell and and serious magic of mother nature is healing AF.  Get amongst it.  It’ll calm you down and help you make better decisions.  True story.

Forgiveness – Just let shit go.  Patience comes from knowing that the universe is going to sort you out.  Terrible things happen to good people, and good things happen to terrible people and none of it, seriously… NONE OF IT will be made any better if you stew and freak and fly off the handle.  

Laughter – My family is undeniably nuttier than squirrel shit.  Both nature and nuture play a part in that.  We use humour to defuse and deal with almost everything.  We convey pain through jokes and the time it takes us to belly laugh and hug it out when shit gets real is enough time to cool the brain and slow down our hearts enough that we’re more likely to show patience than say or do hurtful things that can’t be taken back.

Embrace Not Getting Your Way – This may sound counter-intuitive, but so often, things we really want or think we want are just not meant for us.  You can have a plan, it can be a really fucking good plan, but you are not guaranteed success and patiently dealing with disaster and disappointment will mean you get to embrace the shit out of the things that go right when they do. Sometimes these things require patience and planning, sometimes these things just require the patience to wait it out and let magic come to you.  Either way, if you always get what you want in short order, you won’t be a very good, nor a very happy person.  Also a true story.

There’s more, but I have been patiently procrastinating from stuff I seriously have to do so I will wrap up.

Have a great day, and a wonderful week.

Thanks, as always, for reading.

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