Shout Out to YOU… You Brave Beautiful Creature!
Current situation here = surviving way more than thriving. Normally I relish a good lockdown. This time I am among the throngs of “languishers”. It is less than fantastic.
So a while back I walked away from the hurricane pace and futile and incessant race toward external validation to try to calm the neglected and traumatised child in me. Well, since my massive mega mic drop I have found peace and comfort. Unmedicated, and unincumbered by the unrelenting and absolute dread and self-loathing that used to guide my crazy ass into battle or into a bottle, I can sit and just be. Often feeling so incredibly blessed far more than stressed. It no longer hurts to breathe. Most of the time I can rationally face many or most challenges. Lockdowns were for the most part like a wonderful warm hug that allowed me more time with my fiancé, kids and cats. The bubble was safe not constricting as I had nowhere else I’d rather be…
This round not so blissful.
I am agitated, touchy, uncertain and feeling helpless in my safe cushy bubble while people I Love and respect or hustling through some pretty spicy struggles. I feel trapped. I feel nervous. It’s probably all very useful to be feeling these feelings as many or most people were wading through them in previous lockdowns and redundancy rounds while they were trying to remain upright on very shaky ground. This is a bit of an exercise in empathy.
(you knew that was coming, seriously, you must have)
However, and this may just be the algorithm change in my social media feeds, however this round I have been absolutely impressed and ignited by the people I know who are bravely setting course on their quest toward boundaries, self-care, and good mental health.
Being on the journey doesn’t mean everything is going to be great all the time just because you make better choices and do the work. There’s still some absolutely harrowing and undeniably shitty stints, shaky feelings and crying in your burrito blanket bits. Life’s meant to hurt. We are supposed to feel really big feelings sometimes those really big feelings are out of our control like grief, anxiety, or the recently identified reaction of so many of us to this jarring lockdown… languishing.
So here’s something I have noticed in the last year or two. There are some fierce fucking humans taking a super raw and real look at themselves and their mental health, and facing their demons and trauma head on. I cannot overstate how terrifyingly vulnerable taking these first steps can be for any and all of us.
The absolute and unadulterated clusterfuckery that has been crescendo-ing and crashing around us has affected everyone differently.
This blog is a blatant bellow, a serious shout out, a veritable and vociferous vocalisation, and an unabashed acknowledgment of the kick-assedness of you being on your journey and getting messy and honest and being exceptionally brave and yelling:
What, the actual fuck. I DESERVE MORE THAN THIS!!!
And then getting out there and making changes and taking chances and doing the shit they were scared to do. Some of the changes were forced on my fabulous friends, some of them they took the leap of their own volition. Some things worked out. Some things fell flat. Every single person that springs to mind and was the motivation for today’s sweary chronical from my cranium is still struggling through, the main difference is that they are now doing it on their terms not someone else’s. They are setting boundaries, letting go, holding on, loving, leaping, learning, and yes… sometimes just languishing. But wow seeing them bravely stand up and be counted has filled up my cup so it is so fucking full it overflows.
I may need to tone my enthusiasm down in some cases.
Many… many… MANY of my tribe are going through separations or divorces. This is a testing time for relationships, and some just broke under the weight of lockdowns and so much uncertainty. Strangely, the first half a dozen or so my response was:
“Oh, I am so sorry. Are you okay?”
But after navigating my own Dee-lightful (and often difficult and undeniably harrowing and loooooong and drawn out) divorce my response has actually changed to:
Weird right? Or maybe not. Divorce sucks. It brings up a level of grief matched only by losing someone or something that is truly cherished and beloved. Even if things were shit, a marriage or union is a living breathing force that was nurtured by the participants over a long period and through unimaginable obstacles and challenges. Putting that entity to rest is going to smart.
I got sidetracked.
Listen, I hope you stumble across this blog, and I hope you know that it is you am talking to.
Life is fucking weird.
You are doing really great.
Okay…. That’s my sweary blog.
Much Love to you wherever you are at on your journey or in your relationships, romances, personal or professional life right now. There’s gonna be shit bits. But you have got this.
Thanks for reading.