Tag: spirituality

She’s A Witch

When it comes to everyone’s spirituality and their own personal journey, I am deeply curious and sincerely respectful of nearly any or all other people’s paths and decisions in these regards.

How my Spiritual Journey Began 

I grew up in a staunch conservative Lutheran tradition and also observed and attended French Canadian Catholic tradition throughout my formative years.  

Pretty safe to say, the regular church going folk did not generally like or accept me.  There was one pastor who held out some hope and noted my rather obvious lack of enthusiasm for organized traditional Western religion.  He also bought into the shared rhetoric that I was a hopeless good-for-nothing black sheep who would never amount to anything.  Sigh.  Such a common story shared about sparkly, irrepressible, hopeful (often neuro-spicy) souls, by people who actively yearn to control and manipulate rather than Love or understand them.  In my case, this narrative was actively built and shared by my now estranged biological mother.  She’s got her baggage but her actions and activities were then, and remain now, deplorable and unforgivable.  

I’ve got no beef with the pastor though.  He was a young, relatively hip pastor with a guitar and a pretty wife and a couple of young kids.  Poor fella was sent to the back end of nowhere in Tomahawk Alberta on ministry.  He would have been (rather reasonably I now feel) utterly confounded and often annoyed by me.  I did not then, and nor will I ever wish him any ill.  He likely thought he meant well.

I had three years of confirmation classes with hip young Pastor Steve, and my cousin Jocelyn and a lovely girl named Desiree.  Both of them went on to marry childhood sweethearts and thrive in and around the area we all grew up.  We met on Tuesdays after school to be confirmed at the age of 14.  Each of us were given a verse from the bible to guide us on our personal and spiritual journey through life.  

The verse given to me was from the second book of Timothy, Chapter one, verse seven.   I suspect because I have always been observed to lack self-control.

2nd Timothy 1:7 – English Standard Version (ESV)

 for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control

Rather lovely sentiment as I look back on it more than three decades later.  All this played out about the same time I was first diagnosed with rather raging ADHD.  I was acknowledged earlier than most as neuro spicy.  It was well before society, especially in a rural nowhere Alberta in the 1990’s had caught up to neurodiversity or systematic family trauma exacerbated by fear mongering conservative protestant ideologies.  

Christianity filled me with fear, self-loathing, and so many questions.  The book of Job sent me on a tail spin and is probably the nail in the coffin where my attachment to or interest in pursuing Christian spirituality ended.  I held on for a long time to try and win the impossible prize of my parents’ (particularly my dad) acceptance.  

It has been many years now since I have removed most of my family from my life, and there is not a moment of regret surrounding that decision.  The toxicity, manipulation and abuse they so willingly and actively subjected me to finally came to a head in 2018.  My life, mental health, and general happiness has taken a consistent upward trajectory since cutting my white trash parents loose.  My only regret is not doing it sooner.

Broad Thoughts On Spirituality and Religion Currently

So here we are in 2024.

I have always been fascinated by the mysteries and power of the natural and super-natural world.  Spiritual and moral teachings from Buddhism, Shamanism, Animalism, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism, Occultism, Wicca, and countless other philosophies and traditions have resonated with and fascinated me with every happenchance or actively pursued exposure.  

The foundations of faith, community, curiosity and seeking understanding of the natural and supernatural world have vast potential.  These things can be enriching and unifying forces in the lives of individuals and among communities.  Belief in a benevolent force or order in the universe can and often does imbue hope in times of grief, struggle and uncertainty.  

The dark side of spirituality (religion more than spirituality I’d argue) is very dark indeed. We’ve too often observed the proliferation of hate, ignorance, bigotry, fear, and arrogance… the point of war, holocaust, destruction, exploitation and many other violent atrocities.  

Not. Okay.

We do not need to give that fuckery any further oxygen for the purposes of this blog.  We’ve all witnessed or even experienced horrors in the name of religious ideologies.  If you are reading this, I suspect you are as deeply and decidedly disgusted by all of that as most rational people are.

Goodness – Across All Beliefs Can Look Something Like This

It is encouraging to hold tight to the hope that most people are actually good.  Some are REALLY fucking good.  I hope you know some of these people.  Regardless of their spiritual or religious beliefs and ideologies they do tend to exhibit the following attributes:

  • Not judgmental.  If they do form ideas and opinions they are based more on fact and tacit observation than conjecture or hearsay. These are the kind of people who either innately or academically understand the complex trappings of cognitive bias and guard themselves from falling down rabbit holes or believing in rumours or conjecture.  They lean frequently toward hoping people and situations are either positive or, at least benign and do not tend to be involved with or fall prey to catastrophizing or scandal.
  • Honest. Being honest in a world so loaded with pretty little and horrifically huge lies and conjecture is an impressive act of integrity indeed.  The truth is not always easy or convenient or fun, and choosing the truth for yourself and insisting on a level of honesty in others may end in some level of isolation when we are fed so many lies. When you are consistently honest and actively choose not to engage with lies and scandals the people who are drawn to you will almost certainly be good people.  Lies can be fun to some, but honesty plays the long game and is a brave and important choice indeed.
  • Connected.  People who passionately and tireless contribute and create are very fucking cool. Connection and encouragement in our immediate environment, communities and in the cosmos is inevitable.  We are all connected whether we like and/or admit it or not.  Choosing to be a conduit of connection, safety, scaffolding, security, and strength makes every connection through the universe stronger.  Choosing to sever or destroy weakens shit. There’s physics principles that back that shit up, but it’s bigger and more fruity and spiritual than that too. You needn’t be an influencer or leader to be a conduit for creativity and connection, you just have to invite the right people and energy in and share strengthened connection if/when and how you feel safe doing so.  That’s connection.  You know it when you are building them.  And it feels great.
  • Empathetic.  Really good humans can place themselves in others’ shoes and generally and genuinely DO NOT enjoy others’ pain or struggles.  They can also actively and genuinely get off-the-chain excited to see someone else shine.
  • Generous.  Generosity shows up in many different ways.  For example, someone who may be quite frugal with cash and resources yet still munificent with time, encouragement or sharing knowledge or networks, is still absolutely generous.  Humans will guard or restrict different things for different reasons, yet generosity is a clear and consistent belief held by some lovely people that they are made richer, wiser and better through sharing with the world around them.  It is by giving that they receive and it is a beautiful thing.
  • Curious.  Don’t you just find people who are genuinely curious about things absolutely delicious for your spirit and mind?  People who geek out together fill me with hope and joy.  People who seek knowledge and understanding and don’t act as though they know everything are proper spiritually fit IMHO.  When folks want to know how and why things are the way they are and are willing to change opinions… well they are pretty great I reckon.  People who crave information or connection for self-serving purposes rather than curiosity lack that magic.  
  • Hopeful.  Eeyore is who he is, and his schtick is to always assume the worst to avoid disappointment.  There’s something beautiful and quaint about him and people like him, but there’s something contagious about both hopeful optimism and defeatist pessimism.  People who have a knack of seeing problems as opportunities and failures as learnings, well those people are yummy and I am always drawn to them and their magic.
  • Joyful.  Laughter and lightening up situations is not always appropriate.  We all run out of joy and need to embrace shadows sometimes.  But let’s face it, someone who is inclined to actually glimmer and pulsate with joy and wonder will infect every living thing around them when they let that joy just explode.  Think about how you feel watching soppy joyful proposal videos or being at a really great wedding where the couple exude a huge and inclusive bubble of delight and promise.  That shit is real and some people are just really good at amplifying it in all kinds of situations.
  • Fun.  Life can and should be fun sometimes.  People who allow and encourage themselves and others to have fun are great.
  • Authentic.  Real tears.  Real anger.  Real sadness.  Real joy.  Really real good days and bad ones too. Someone who trusts and respects me enough to cancel a plan or show up and be a grump if that’s what they need is a person I can cherish.  
  • Vulnerable.  People who try to appear infallible or hope to exude a sense that they know more, or are in any way better than others are exhausting and boring.  We are all seriously fucking complicated, scary, and messy.  Being able to admit mistakes and actively strut their bravery through vulnerability are my kind of people.  We all fuck up, we all shine sometimes.  It’s part of the journey.  The right people will respect and protect your vulnerability and the wrong ones will have their karma if they kick someone when they are down.  We’re more alike than we think, and being vulnerable is an incredibly unifying force.
  • Self-Aware.  As the beloved goddess Maya Angelou said:  “Do the best you can with what you know.  Then, when you know better, do better.”  People who actively want to be a better version of themselves and try to understand how and why they go through the world and how that affects others are magical creatures indeed.  Radical responsibility for our own actions is hard and we all have to face some ugly shit about ourselves from time to time.  It is a journey well worth taking though.
  • Brave – This is a big one.  I believe that holding true to your core spiritual beliefs no matter what they are is already an act of bravery these days.  Whatever your faith or even if you choose not to observe any faith and prefer an Athiest perspective, you will be judged by many (probably most) and welcomed by some and shunned by others.  People who are truly secure in themselves and their spiritual journey will not see different ideas or beliefs as a threat.  Being brave spiritually runs in both directions.  You must bravely nurture and evolve in your own knowledge and faith.  Equally as important – you really ought to be able to both leave others to their own spiritual journey and wish them well, but also to be willing to share and amplify your own knowledge and experience if people come to you for guidance.  

So Why Choose to be Witchy?

Oh my… so many reasons.  I have always been a witch. I have always had witchy sense (intuition) and a marked track record for manifesting.  This, I think, is a whole new blog for a whole new day and I am tired of writing so suspect you are tired of reading.

Guess the main reasons I will expand upon if you care to hear are this:

  1. It is a faith/practice deeply steeped in honouring feminine energy and power
  2. It freaks out the right kind of people who really wouldn’t enjoy me or my energy very much anyway, so that’s pretty cool
  3. There is a foundational belief in my personal practice that we are all connected in the web of life.  I mean ALL.  Every living thing, every element, every action and intent is flowing through the universe and to harm anyone or anything is to harm ourselves.
  4. I like what many would identify as witchy aesthetic, always have.
  5. CANDLES!  Gosh I have never had so many candles in my life as this past five years and I am certain I am happier for it.
  6. Nature/The Oracle are my guides (what other religions call God or Allah or the Great Spaghetti Monster etc.)
  7. Being accused of being a witch was (and possibly is) a very bad thing to some scary main-stream, fascist, and misogynistic and dangerous components of society.  I guess I’d much rather be considered “bad” for being kind, curious, inclusive, a lightening rod for diversity and hope, and connected to nature and an intelligent and encouraging community.  I am okay being bad to people who are acting deplorably in a world that craves healing and connection.  I know I am not perfect, but I know I am good.  Being a witch is a flag I fly to signal that to the world around me.
  8. And finally, and perhaps most importantly, I believe in magic.

The Oracle Knows

The concept of God or the Universe is given different words and paradigms by different people and spiritual paths.  I refer to the cosmic and connected sentience and balance as the Oracle.  My spiritual path is, and probably always has been witchcraft.  All that means is I honour and acknolwdge the natural world and believe we are all connected in the web of life.  If I harm anything I am harming myself.  If I help I am helping myself.  There’s far more meaningful and nuanced aspects to this journey, but I feel that’s a pretty good summary for now.

Unforunately, for me and so many people, helping has appeared to backfire disastrously. Holding out many a ladder and lifting a lot of people up in the past didn’t always turn out as planned.  Some of them kicked me square in the cunt and left me wounded and angry and wondering how anyone could be so mercenary and cruel.  

But every single situation like that has somehow left me later realizing my feet were firmly on safe and secure ground.  The Oracle’s lessons aren’t always fun or fair, but often feel very helpful when time and healing have allowed me to process situations.  From that vantage and a very safe and large distance, I’ve seen many perpetrators struggle and suffer in circles of greed and self-sabotage.  We’re all given choices, and greedy, cruel, callous, mercenary people may appear to do alright, but they take what they want and they will be forced to pay eventually.

I just want to be a consistently good person with an acutely well calibrated moral compass.  My spiritual journey as a practicing witch helps me with that, but it definitely does not define me as some people’s religions do.

Today was filled with glimmers and magic and goddess ferocity.  The Oracle blesses me with days like today.

Where to begin?

Penny has been working with us for a good many months now, and is our first official full time team member.  We’ve had our bumps and wobbles, but all in all we’re on an excellent path together and the mahi (that means work for my non-kiwi readers) she has done has transformed the farm.  

Penny is a qualified Rongoa practitioner.  We are working together to get her practice up and running and lift her to the entrepreneurial goddess level she really does have every inch of capacity to be.  She is smart, intuitive, creative, fierce, and has been knocked around enough to know exactly what is what.  Like every woman in my life, she hasn’t yet fully stepped into her own power.  Confidence is an issue for most of us, and it is my absolute modus operandi to change that, for myself and my coven.  This is our time to shine.  We gotta step into the “fuck around and find out” phase and know that we are fierce and powerful and our work and contributions have real and meaningful worth.  It is a journey we are on together.

I’ve also just returned from Rakiura.  It is a the anchor in the Maori creationist legends.  As any Kiwi knows, Maui and his brothers were in their great waka (canoe) when they fished up the North Island of Aotearoa, and the anchor to that vessel is/was Rakiura.  

We are drawn to that magical little island every year.  Granted, so are about 40,000 other people, most of whom do the three day Rakiura trek.  Maybe one day we will do that.  I kinda doubt it though.  

We first arrived there around this time of year, back in 2019 or 2020?  The place got into our bones.  There is no room for pretentiousness or flexing, it is a rough and wild and incredibly unique place where manuhiri (visitors) have to figure out the nuances and be chill or you’ll have a pretty shitty time there.  If you want five-star obsequiousness, just stay away.  Rakiura residents do not kiss anyone’s ass.  Fucking great actually.

We literally stumbled across a local who would end up becoming a very close friend on our second trip to the island some years ago.  She’s an artist and a goddess and a really great mom.  I just found out this visit that her mother was called back to the great unknown where we are all beckoned to from the moment we arrive.  She left quite suddenly only a few years ago in the month of April.  I can tell you with certaintly that her mother’s energy and Love led me down that road and to her gallery.  While I can’t quantify or qualify that statement, I know that divine feminine energy landed us there.  We needed to meet and are both much better off because we did.  I might share more of that magical story another day, but I will leave that vague and mysterious.

And last, but not least, I finished today’s divine feminine reinforcing journey with a totally impromptu dinner with my Megan.  This is a woman I met at the hair-dresser some number of years back.  I pointed her to my blog, and over the course of a few weeks, we became online then IRL friends.  

These days, her and the irrepressible Hannah are the two women I see the most as we have a habit of making each other a priority.  It was all very organic an holistic in its evolution.  I have known Hannah rather peripherally since the mid 1990’s.  Megan joined us for something at some point and the three of us were a strangely lovely fit.  You’d never think that we would be on the surface.  But all three of us are deeply disappointed with most people and prefer to slay all day and then retreat to the safety of our own four walls and be left well and truly the fuck alone.  Yet, together we seems to lift each other up.  It is safe, it is authentic and it is easy.  

So, Megan had a great week a couple of weeks ago and it all came crashing down and her perky has pissed off.  She reached out, and all other things were not as important as us catching up for a good old bitch and a moan pretty much immediately.  So off to dinner we went.  Damon joined us at the very end so we had a solid hour to ourselves which was lovely and we laughed and laughed as we always do.  Damon is often/always allowed at girl time as he is an honourary goddess and my beautiful wife.   

Damon and I also have a shared best friend who has an anaphylactic allergy to the spotlight and attention.  She knows who she is, and we three are destined to grow old dottering around making the world a slightly better place together.  She already has a solid strategy she’s been perfecting and that will be rolled out in the years ahead.  I won’t tell you her name, as she doesn’t like people talking about her, but she knows who she is.  

The whole day has also been punctuated with a running dialogue between Auriga and me on the dms. We met when Mel and I facilitated a break out group at a UN women’s leadership thing. And I popped in to be reminded that Emma was in England having a magic time. And Karen is coming for coffee on Friday morning. All wonderful witchy women, and a handful of many fierce fabulous goddesses I am blessed to know and trust.

So that was my Tuesday the 16th of April 2024.  Surrounded by fierce feminine energy and protection and lifted to a lovely level of feeling like I am finally safe and on the right path.

Whatever kind of day/week/month/year you are having, I hope you hold on tight and know that darkness fades and light and clarity come when we are kind and consistent.  It doesn’t feel like it sometimes.  

But the Oracle knows.

Thanks for reading.

Powerfully Prophetic Dream

A couple of nights ago Damon had a really powerful dream, I’d go so far as to say it was probably prophetic.  

Damon’s Buddhist and I am a Witch.  We plod along merrily on our own spiritual paths and are curious and supportive of the inner work everyone on this earth likely has to do. We think that there’s so much we do not know or understand about even our own minds.  We also acknowledge, understand, and respect that everything and everyone is very much connected.  What we do matters.  The way we behave and the choices we make can have positive or negative impacts so it is always best to behave in a way that you can feel proud of, even, if not especially when nobody can see.  I was raised as an angry red-neck Lutheran, so I am painfully familiar with the bible. Dreams and visions play a huge and important role throughout the bible.  

Pilate’s wife dreamed quite clearly that Jesus was an innocent, good and powerful man.  She foresaw Pontius Pilate would be left with blood on his hands for killing an innocent man – and sure enough – he threw that beautiful bohemian prophet under the bus.  Pilate was by many reliable accounts a very good man.  Fair, smart, reasonable, and a charismatic leader.  Today, billions of Christians around the globe remember this act in the Apostles Creed every church service:

“Suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried, the third day he arose from the dead in accordance with the scriptures and will come again to judge…” OH MY!  That stuff is tattooed on my memory.  I have no beef with Pilate or his wife.  And Jesus was clearly incomprehensibly lovely.  I wish we’d all listen more closely to his teachings.  I also wish people would definitely stop twisting his tolerant and inclusive teachings as an excuse to be actually horrible to people they don’t understand.  Seriously.  What the actual fuck is up with that dangerous nonsense.

I digress.  As I so often do…

Okay, back to Damon’s dream.

It started in a backwoods angry tiny American town.  People were unkind to each other and there was that scary kind of religious/small town vibe like in movies such as footloose or deliverance.  He felt completely bereft and out of place and happened across a child and helped this child to wash his face and the human decency of that act left the kid in his dream feeling empowered and grateful.

Scene change. 

Next he was with me and we were in a room full of women and across the hall was a room full of man-splaining rah-rah-rah-boring-dick-swinging-rhetoric-using-men who were palpably dripping with entitlement and misogyny.  And one of the goddesses in our bright and powerful room walked across the hall and left explosive powder in the middle of the room full of dipshits.  The device erupted without hurting anyone but some of the dipshits sorta got shook out of their trance they were in and walked bravely and with purpose across the hall and into the room of kind, curious, empowered women.

He woke and told me about the dreams and recalled the deep and uplifting feeling of calm and empowerment as men in the dumb room were almost set free or lifted out of a zombie state of nasty dipshittery.  The men who moved rooms were lighter and they and those who witnessed them had a sense that they’d been set free from a nasty and destructive trance.

Just a really fabulous dream.

So.  Here’s my witchy and psychological take on that whole situation.

Damon has always been an ally.  His leadership style is one of empowerment and curiosity.  He’s pretty good at spotting greatness in people and building them up to shine brighter than they thought they could.  He’s happy to step out of any spotlight to let someone else sparkle.  

I’ve observed on countless occasions now, that insecure, ignorant and cowardly people who lack creativity and vision really don’t like that.  

The people that hate us tend to trade on manipulation and archaic power dynamics.  They are likely to take credit for other people’s efforts and successes, and never accept responsibility when they clearly and irrefutably fuck up.  And in many cases they do that for a long time and leave mess of collateral damage in their self-interested wake.  Creative and innovative people have long since abandoned such clusterfuckery.  Brave, beautiful and charismatic people do the work to be reflective and effective and do not actively seek to be surrounded yes people.  They actively get uncomfortable and work through tough stuff because the view is absolutely epic from the other side of that discomfort. It is kinda awesome.  

Damon’s sister Ali (who is fierce and fabulous and definitely in the real and metaphorical room with smart strong women) once said:  We have to do the work and go to therapy for all those who refuse to take a look at themselves.

Snap.  Ain’t dat da damned truth.

I’ve said this in so many ways and on say many different occasions, but the patriarchy and status quo of isms (racism, sexism, fascism) will topple as bullies, sociopaths and entitled boys club tactics are just not yielding the results they once did.  Divisiveness and destruction absolutely, resilient or useful results, nope, no, fucking clearly not.  

Being a curious and creative character is a much better plan.  Not always easy, but definitely better.  By creating general and genuine joy that comes from having a path of purpose and authenticity you will notice yourself being super annoying to greedy, short-sighted, inane and cruel dinosaurs.  I relish pissing them off, and we laugh and laugh at their dipshittery and deflection as our existence seems to just get better and better the farther away from them we are able to place ourselves.

So that is how I am framing his dream.  We are on the right track.  There’s faces to be wiped clean and so many truly incredible people acting with grace, curiosity, hope and humility.  I know that keeping a low profile and getting our own shit in order has been an important and necessary stage in our narrative.  But we also know that there are a lot of really unjust, and terrifying problems that will require bravery, action and a mobilised and empowered community to face head on.

I am not in any mood to start a revolution or revert to my days of having zero boundaries and no capacity for self-preservation.  My messiah complex is not set to return as I adore the safety and comfort of my meaningful little life.  

I do, however, feel that we, along with many incredibly brave and beautiful individuals, are already immersed in a quiet revolution.  

This is a revolution of vision, sensitivity, sensibility, connection and curiosity.  Acknowledging the need to return life, vitality and biodiversity to our soils, clean up our waters, and feed hope, connection and kindness is clear.  People are aware and they are behaving in ways that embrace this.  From zero-waste to carbon divestment and the serious wave of regenerative agriculture communities, movements and practices, good things are thriving globally.  We also have acknowledged the need to starve greed, short-sightedness and sociopathic consumptive cycles.  Change is coming, and we have to prepare.  We can lead and manage that change or there will be a catastrophic shift and reboot and even bigger and more disruptive changes will be thrust upon us.

At any rate.  We gotta be brave and clever not cowardly and cruel.

Damon’s dream felt like a sign and a reminder that we have work to do, but we are not alone as we aim to get some good shit happening. 

That’s all for today.

Thanks for reading.