Life is a balancing act. My observations of late are verifying the fact it is actually impossible to be content if we don’t let some heavy shit go.
People I know and admire can bang on and on about shit that they’ve been carrying around for an eternity. Worse, they can blame the heavy shit (including heavy people and relationships) for holding them back and making them unhappy or unsuccessful. The thing with perception, and what we think, and how we feel, is that it becomes our reality. If you really want to be lighter, freer, happier and more resilient, you have to drop the heavy and unhelpful shit and keep going. It may well weigh you down and even destroy you if you do not.
I am a woman of vast and various faults. I hold grudges and ghost people when I am in extreme emotional pain. Knowing it is a step in the right direction, working on fixing it is something I need to seriously start putting effort toward.
Our neighbours, who just happen to have doctorates, are both world record holders, and an internationally acclaimed power couple (so I hold their opinions and observations in pretty high esteem based on their pathological overachieving), have some of the best advice I have ever heard on making relationships and life work. In their world, you get an allocated time to vent, bitch, moan, and bludgeon an issue or concern to death. Once this allocated time is up, the issue is closed and you have to move the fuck on with your life and your relationship.
They call this the 30-day-rule. I am going to take it for a whirl I think, as I am notorious for holding grudges, and not letting things go. It’s not good for me and it is not fair on other people. I am also good at ghosting just because I get busy, not because there is any ill-will. But that’s a blog for another day, today we are talking about cleaning out your heart and head.
Now, walking well away from things that do not serve us, like relationships that are unhealthy (or even worse toxic) is fine, if not essential. All the schmaltz, hype, and pith you so often see on motivational posters, about surrounding yourself with people who are amazing, supportive, positive and successful (success is measured in so many ways, and does not have to be tied to material things) is really solid shit. You lay down with dogs you are going to get fleas. You lift others up, and you’ll both soar above the bullshit and battles that are inevitable. Celebrating the successes and strengths of the people who become your tribe will get you through basically anything life will throw at you, and life is going to throw you some nasty shit.
Walking away can be clean and courteous and ought to be just that. I’ve had some fantastic friendships end because of insurmountable incompatibilities, but you get to a point when you just have to call it. The 30-day-rule can apply to relationships as well as situations. From the moment the straw that breaks the camel’s back falls in your relationship (peripheral, non family and inner circle relationships, because you gotta work things out with your special people, even when it is tough as fuck to carry on. Your inner circle is your strength and foundation and very little can ever justify walking away from your truest tribe) give yourself a 30 day window to cool down and carry on, or, if you’re still quite sure the relationship is not serving you, or them, or both, drop that fucker like they are hot. Wish them well, and close and lock the door and carry on with your life. No need for reigniting or fanning flames which are destructive, and no need to worry about it. The people who bring you strength, hold you accountable with kindness, and lift you higher are worthy of respect, time and concern. People who drag you down need to find their own tribe and keep the fuck out of your way while you follow your bliss.
Once you’ve moved on, from a situation, circumstance, run-in or relationship, put it to bed and forget about it. Letting things go is incredibly important for all of us. Hanging onto things that don’t serve us (grudges, people, poorly laid plans) is a hazard to our health and only hurts your proverbial and actual heart.
So, if you’ve been stewing or stressing or burdened with a hot and heavy load lately, consider cutting that shit loose. If it creeps back into your heart or mind maybe try a mantra of: “I am worthy of walking away from things that do not serve me.” Or “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” I’ve been leaning on these two phrases heavily this week, and it’s freeing and fabulous.
Hope wherever you are and whatever this week has chucked at you, you are able to let the things go that do not serve you, and carry on a bit lighter and brighter for it.